I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
