why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
