Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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