it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
