Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize