dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
