the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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