Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
