Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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