I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
