Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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