tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
