nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
