happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
