Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
