Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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