Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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