party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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