Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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