i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
tell me about the fingering
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