i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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