If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
