I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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