I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
