there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize