A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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