No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
