My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
