C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
