woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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