i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
