Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
