btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
