so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
