I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
