Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
