im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
