He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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