Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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