Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
