I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
