Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
