So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
