final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
