I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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