we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
