I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize