I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
