There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
