I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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