Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need moral support for this bender
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize