hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
