If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
