I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
