doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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