Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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