Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
