just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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