The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
