anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
