you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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