Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
