I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He shit in the fireplace
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
