I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
