Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize