i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
