so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
