i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
