I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
