are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
