You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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