i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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