I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
