i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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