go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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