she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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