i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
