Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
