once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
