Already got asked if we're dating
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize