Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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