dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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