He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
